Hello Assalamualaikum and hye. Carl Lesmana here.
so today im going to share the post about "HOW TO BE EMOTIONALLY INDEPENDANT. "
I'm try being as independent boy for a 1 years which I forcing myself to do the thing I've never done before. yes i admit it, is not easier at the first. but slowly trying, Alhamdulillah.
so here goes, the post about the title up there.
Being emotionally independent and resilient is an integral part of being happy. When we depend on others for our sense of self, we never truly know who we are. Fortunately, by accepting ourselves, modifying our thinking, and taking active strides to be true to who we are and who we feel, we can find that inner sense of peace and independence we've been looking for. And it all starts with Step 1 below.
1- Reframe the past. Let's take parents: most of them aren't that great. Are they not that great because they don't love us or we don't deserve affection? No. Though as children, that's hard to see. They're not that great because they have no idea what they're doing – they're trying, but they're only human. Instead of blaming them (or an ex, for example) for your pain, reframe it. See that they don't deserve anger, hate, or resentment. At worst they deserve pity; at best, compassion.
- Whether you're 7 or 70, you've probably had relationships that have left you a little worse for the wear. We humans have a tendency to take every failure/argument/disappointment/rejection personally and tally it up in our own mental notebooks, coming up with a number to equate to just how valuable we are. First things first, that's gotta stop. The past is in the past and it's going to stay there. It has little significance.
Forgive and forget. This is an integral step in the accepting yourself and reframing the past idea. When you don't hold grudges and stop taking things personally, you're left with an organic, untainted version of you – an emotionally independent and resilient you. And you'll be happier, too!
- The next time you catch yourself being upset with someone, realize that it has nothing to do with you. It's them making their own decisions, and you have no control over that, which is fine. This is one trivial moment in the scheme of your life that in short order will be completely forgotten about.
- That being said, this doesn't mean that some people should be let off the hook. Forgive them, forget the behavior, but modify your expectations. Was your friend an hour late to your lunch date? Noted. Next time (if there is a next time), you'll know how to handle it.
3-Spend time with yourself. When's the last time you had some free time to kill and didn't whip out your phone or otherwise distract yourself? In today's day and age, we're constantly bombarded with stimuli, which ultimately removes us from introspection and getting to know our own minds. Starting now, take 20 minutes or so a day for some "me-time." Who's better company than you, anyway?
- In this time, watch your mind wander. Where does it go to? How does it think? Take note of just how fascinating this thing inside your head really is. What can you learn about yourself?
4- Know who you are. Kind of like asking an ant to look in a mirror and say, "I'm an ant," isn't it? Well, in addition to the steps above and below, there are a few sticking points that apply to everyone:
- You are just as worthy as everyone else you know. There are not "better" humans; we all have good and bad qualities.
- You have talents and interests. What are they?
- You have thoughts and opinions. You have things you like and dislike. What are those?
- You have values. You have beliefs. What things/concepts/ideas do you hold as true?
to be continued.